Tomorrow is The Boy's birthday. He will be 39. The Girl has been stressing out about what gift to give him. Last year she worked really hard on a plan. She purchased $$$ kitchen gadgets, because he likes to cook. She was going to take him on a culinary tour of their home town: Stonewood for appetizers, Porter's for dinner, and Mildred's Big City Food for dessert. She passed up having dinner with the Esquire for this.


The big night came and the Boy was in high asshole mode. When she handed him his gift, he said "That's nice," and sat it in the floor. Those were the last words he spoke all night long. He ruined the evening and crushed The Girl.


Needless to say, The Girl has been in a shitty mood all week. Her stomach tied in knots, spending money she doesn't have in an effort to please him. Last night she finally told him, "You really hurt my feelings last year by being an asshole. Esquire is in town again. If you are going to be an asshole again this year, please tell me. I would rather have dinner with Esquire than watch you sulk." The Boy replied, "Last year you said something to piss me off, don't do that again and everything will be okay." The Girl asked, "What did I say?" He didn't remember.


The Girl (calmly) said, "Don't you think it would have been better to say at the time, 'That really pissed me off,' rather than ruin the evening." He said, "No. I like it this way." He thought that was cute and, with every ounce of her strength, The Girl let it go.


She does wonder how someone lives for 39 years without growing at all. The Boy is so afraid of being truly seen by anyone that he is highly practiced at the art of camouflage. He is so good at disappearing that he is invisible to nearly everyone, even himself. The terrible thing is, The Girl sees him. So she spends much of her time describing The Boy to The Boy himself. It gets old and she can draw him with her eyes closed.